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Saturday, March 23, 2013


unknown source//

I've been thinking a lot about writing this post - if I even wanted to publish it or not.  It's hard to put your most guarded emotions and thoughts into a blogpost and hit 'publish' for the rest of the world to see.  But at the same time, I'm not peppy/bubbly/happy all of the time, and I owe it to you to let you see all of me, which includes the less-than-cheerful sides.  So here we go.

A few weeks ago I found out that I wasn't accepted to Cal Poly State University at San Luis Obispo, my ultimate #1 choice.  I was positive I'd get in, and almost didn't apply to UCSC (University of California at Santa Cruz, for those not in the area), my "Plan B", because I was so sure of my admission.  The reason for that being that I'm going to be a junior transfer student, who has done all of her underdivision work for a specific major, and will be transferring with an AA in that major.  I thought that would seal the deal.  Nope.

I had been checking my Cal Poly account daily for news, and as soon as I saw "you have not been selected for admission" my heart practically stopped, and I burst into tears.  I cried for an hour straight.  I know you're probably thinking, "Well, it's just a school.  Go to a different one."  It wasn't just the school.  In that one, single moment, I watched the future I had dreamed of for months go spiraling down the drain.  I fell in love with the town of SLO when I was there last March, and couldn't wait to live there.  Jamba Juice was also founded there and I had planned on transferring down to work at the original location (I work for them and have for 16 months!).  It may seem kind of silly to hear this, but I love my company in its entirety and it meant so much to me to work at the original store.  And now I won't.

It's really tough to realize that you have no idea where your life is going to be in six months, when you had just had it all planned out last week.  To have your future ripped out of your hands like that.  But it's also an opportunity to learn to pick yourself up and try to convince yourself that it wasn't meant to be.  'Try' being the keyword.  I'm still struggling immensely with trying to accept that I wasn't meant to be at Cal Poly.  I don't believe in any higher power (I've been to church a whopping two times! both as a child at that), but I do believe that things happen for a reason.  What reason that is, I have no idea right now.  But hopefully it'll become apparent soon.

This quote is really helping me, so I thought I'd share it in case you needed to hear it too:  "The important thing is not to be bitter about life's disappointments, but to let go of the past.  And recognize that every day won't be something.  And when you find yourself lost in darkness and despair... remember it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home.  Maybe you'll get everything you wish for, maybe you'll get more than you could ever imagine.  Who knows where life will take you.  The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination."

If you're still reading, thank you - for listening.   xx

P.S.  I'm still waiting to hear from UCSC.  Fingers ultimately crossed for that because if I don't get in, I won't be going to school in the fall.  :/


  1. I totally understand the feeling. It's one of the worst feelings ever, having your hopes set on something, only to have those hopes snatched away and ripped to pieces. The coping is hard. But chin up! C.S Lewis said "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind". You have so many opportunities ahead of you - and they will be the most amazing and most epicest things ever. Hugs, dearest <3

  2. I am so sorry, lovely!!! I'll admit, I've had moments like this. Most of them, though? Turned out far better than I could have ever, ever, ever imagined. For example (and so you know I'm not just saying this)... In 2008, Jen and I got our first job, working together, we even got our own trailer to live in. I was so excited, nervous... but excited. Than on our way there, we realized there wasn't even a grocery store around. That was my first shock, because... well... food! and I burst into tears while shopping in the one small store on the way.

    Than when we arrived, our co-workers scared the heck outta me and our trailer was from the 50s, with green counters and pink sinks. I sat in the bathroom and cried. I also am a HUGE germaphobe and the inside of the trailer had this disgusting musty smell. Jen found me, hugged me and grabbed the bleach. We cleaned until like 2am, scrubbing every inch of the trailer, than turned on our TV and watched a comedy show while eating sandwiches and chips.

    That place? Turned into my dream. That trailer? Is one of my fondest memories. The co-workers? Amazing friends. I dream of living on the lake again. I dream of the trailer, and how very cozy and special that HOME was. It did turn into our home. Nothing will ever replace that first job, first home, amazing friends. It was one of a kind.

    I promise, you will feel better about your situation in time. Everything WILL work out. *big hug*

  3. oh man, i am so sorry, i know how upsetting/disappointing it can be. i thought i would have a teaching job by now but i am still on the hunt for one, it makes me sad and upset a lot of the time when i think about what i thought my life should be like right now so i try my best not to dwell there,but it is tough.

    my fingers and toes are definitely crossed for you and UCSC!!

    love that quote,i am stealing it to use :) who said it?

  4. I'm sorry that you didn't get your first choice. That stinks and it's perfectly okay to be hurt by disappointment. However, I hope the new future laid out to you is full of bright opportunities. Thanks for sharing with us.

  5. So sorry to hear about Cal Poly :(

    & you're right, everything does happen for a reason!

  6. This is practically the situation I am in right now. I need such high grades to get into my unis and was not accepted to go to Cambridge (my first choice). I have no idea where I will be in a couple of months and whether the envelope in the summer will say what I want it to, but I know that whatever happens will happen and I need to make the most of it. Everything will work out ok (hopefully) for the both of us. Kepp us informed of whats going on. Great to hear from someone in a similar situation.
    Kate xx

  7. Oh no. I'm super sorry to hear this - I hope that the trying to deal with it is going okay. I'm hoping that something new and exciting is heading your way. And it's a great quote, thanks for sharing.


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